Being Alone Doesn’t Mean Being Lonely

One of the toughest things about being single is the feeling of loneliness. We’ve all felt it—the quiet evenings when you wish you had someone to talk to, the weekends when you’re scrolling through social media watching friends post pictures with their partners. It’s easy to start thinking that loneliness is inevitable when you’re single, but the truth is, being alone doesn’t have to mean being lonely.

In Single on Purpose, I break down the difference between feeling lonely and being alone. Loneliness is an emotional experience—an ache, a craving for connection—but being alone is simply a physical state. The problem comes when we confuse the two and start believing that our value depends on having someone next to us. That’s when we slip into desperation, making choices that don’t serve us just to avoid feeling alone.

But here’s the good news: loneliness is something you can work through. You don’t have to let it control you. In fact, this time of being single can be one of the richest periods for your personal growth if you lean into it instead of running from it.

Here’s how you can start transforming your relationship with loneliness and make being alone a time of strength, not sadness.

1. Reframe Your Loneliness as a Signal

Loneliness isn’t an enemy. It’s simply a signal that you need something—whether that’s connection, purpose, or even just a change in routine. The mistake we make is thinking that this need can only be filled by another person. But the truth is, loneliness is often pointing us back to ourselves. It’s asking, What are you missing within yourself?

Therapist’s To-Do: The next time you feel lonely, instead of scrolling through your phone or distracting yourself, pause and ask yourself: What am I really craving? Is it connection with others, or is it something deeper? Maybe it’s a desire for purpose, or the need to feel seen and understood. Once you identify what your loneliness is signaling, you can take steps to meet that need in a healthy way.

In Single on Purpose, I talk about how loneliness became a teacher for me. Instead of avoiding it, I started using it as a guide to reconnect with parts of myself I’d neglected. Sometimes, loneliness isn’t about missing a person—it’s about missing a deeper connection to yourself.

2. Shift Your Focus from Others to You

When you’re single, it’s easy to get caught up in what everyone else is doing—especially when it feels like everyone around you is coupled up. You start comparing your life to theirs and wonder why you haven’t found what they have. But comparison is a trap, and the more you focus on what others have, the worse you’ll feel.

Therapist’s To-Do: Create a daily practice of shifting the focus back to yourself. Instead of asking, Why don’t I have what they have? start asking, What can I give to myself today? Whether it’s something small like making time for a hobby or something bigger like taking yourself on a solo adventure, the goal is to pour energy into your own life rather than fixating on what others are doing.

One of the things I did during my time of being single was focus on the joy I could create for myself. For me, that looked like hitting the gym, riding my motorcycle, and eating doughnuts. It might sound simple, but it was about reclaiming my time and energy for me. Ask yourself: How can I do that today?

3. Stop Waiting for Someone Else to Share Life With

One of the biggest lies we tell ourselves when we’re single is that we have to wait for someone else to start living fully. We think, When I find my person, then I’ll travel. Then I’ll pursue my dreams. Then I’ll build the life I want. But the truth is, you don’t need to wait for someone else to start living. You can create a full, vibrant life on your own right now.

Therapist’s To-Do: Make a list of all the things you’ve been putting off until you’re in a relationship. Is it traveling? Taking up a hobby? Pursuing a passion? Whatever’s on that list, start working toward it now. Don’t wait for someone else to make your life exciting or fulfilling. You have the power to do that yourself.

4. Build a Life That Fulfills You—Not Just Your Calendar

One of the traps of loneliness is that it drives us to fill our calendar just to avoid being alone. You might find yourself overcommitting to plans, saying yes to things you don’t really care about, just so you don’t have to face a quiet evening by yourself. But true fulfillment doesn’t come from staying busy—it comes from living a life that’s meaningful to you.

Therapist’s To-Do: Instead of focusing on staying busy, focus on staying fulfilled. Ask yourself: What activities, people, and experiences genuinely fill me up? Start saying no to things that are just distractions and yes to things that align with your values and passions.

I talk a lot in Single on Purpose about building a life that stands on its own—whether you’re single or not. That means pursuing what lights you up and surrounding yourself with people who support your growth, not just those who fill your time.

5. Join a Community That Supports Your Growth

Loneliness is part of the human experience, but that doesn’t mean you have to go through it completely alone. One of the best ways to combat feelings of isolation is to surround yourself with a community that understands what you’re going through and supports your journey of self-discovery.

Therapist’s To-Do: Join the Single On Purpose App, a community of like-minded individuals who are all about growth, self-discovery, and authentic connection. Inside the app, you’ll find live events, meetups, and a space to have real, meaningful conversations. It’s not about finding a partner—it’s about finding yourself and building connections that actually matter.

Being part of a community doesn’t just ease loneliness—it enriches your journey. You’ll be surrounded by people who are focused on bettering themselves, just like you.

Loneliness is real, but it doesn’t have to define your singlehood. In fact, this time of being single can be one of the most transformative periods of your life if you allow it. When you stop fearing loneliness and start seeing it as an opportunity for growth, everything changes.

So, the next time you feel lonely, remember this: it’s not a sign that something’s wrong with you. It’s just a signal that you’re craving connection—maybe with others, but more likely with yourself.

And if you’re ready to explore that connection, join the Single On Purpose App. We’re here to support you as you navigate loneliness, grow into the person you’re meant to be, and build a life you love—whether you’re single or in a relationship.

JK